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Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not easy. Forgiveness doesn’t
come naturally. We prefer to hold a grudge or get revenge. When our
flesh is in control, forgiveness is the furthest thing from our
mind. But here is the problem, “when our flesh is in control."
To forgive is of the Spirit. God forgives. He
works very hard to teach us how to forgive. Sometimes we are very
slow in getting the point.
I once held a grudge with a gal in our church named Jill. We were on
the same committee in which her husband was chairman. She wanted
things to be done her way even though her husband was in charge of
that program. So many times Jill would butt in and take control of
her husband and the whole project. After months and months of this
my anger just kept rising. I found myself trying to neutralize her
influence in any way I could. She sensed it and fought back. And so
we struggled for almost two years. I was angry, frustrated and
unforgiving. I kept praying and asking God to change Jill. She was
becoming a real thorn in my flesh.
It was about this time that I started getting
backaches and couldn’t sleep at night. I went to doctors, had
massages, even acupuncture. Nothing brought relief. Since the Mayo
Clinic in Minnesota wasn’t far away, I went there to try to find out
what was wrong. But all they could say was it might be a cyst and
surgery was maybe 50/50 that it would provide any relief.
A little later I was doing a personal study
using W. Keller’s A Layman Looks at the Lord’s Prayer. It was
at a time in my life where God was already working to break me of
pride and a host of other issues. When I got to the section of “And
forgive us our debts; as we forgive our debtors," I naturally wanted
forgiveness for myself. But when I read about the need to forgive
others, I stopped in my tracks. It hit me like a ton of bricks how I
hadn’t forgiven Jill. In my anger I had justified my grudge against
her. I momentarily fought back, listing all the reasons why she was
wrong and I was right. But the Father was unrelenting in his
conviction. I needed to repent of my anger, my control, my pride and
stubbornness first. I knew I had to fall on the Rock before it fell
on me.
In the following weeks I obeyed the Spirit’s
leading. First, before the Father, then to Jill personally. I
apologized and asked for her forgiveness. But she wasn’t ready to
hear it. My timing was way off, in spite of my good intentions. The
years of bitterness had taken a toll on her, as well. She continued
to be angry, for quite some time. That didn’t make it any easier for
me. I daily complained to God telling Him it wasn’t working. But God
led me to forgive her unconditionally time after time, no matter
what she said or did. He firmly led me to pray for her daily.
Two things happened as a result. My back got
better week by week. After 3-4 months the pain was totally gone. But
most importantly, Jill started changing, as well. Like me, she came
under the conviction of the Holy Spirit. One day she repented of her
sin and came to me asking for forgiveness.
Our Father taught me a lot in this situation. No
matter who is right or wrong, I still need to forgive. After all,
Jesus forgave from the cross. Forgiveness is not for the other
person. It is for us. Whenever we don’t forgive someone, there is a
barrier between God and us. Our ability to connect with His Spirit
and be fluid in our relationship with Him is greatly hindered. But
when we forgive, our relationship with God will greatly improve.
Then we can begin to work on the relationship with the person we
were angry with.
Trying to fix these relationships needs a lot of
prayer and persistence. Often, we will need to wait on the Lord’s
timing. The other party may need time for God to work on their
heart. As we pray and wait, our Father will move. And as we obey His
Spirit, in time, we may see true healing of the relationship.
Sometimes God has to allow us to experience
physical attack in order to chastise us and get our attention. When
we walk in un-repented sin, the enemy has a right to attack us in
physical ways. God’s allows this out of mercy and love. He wants us
to be free from the sins of bitterness and un-forgiveness. When we
repent, we will often see physical healing. When God acts it will
have many cascading results that bring repentance to our lips and
freedom from sin. In the end, He receives glory and praise.
Best of all, God never holds grudges. Once we
repent at the cross of Jesus, our sins are removed as far as the
east is from the west. Even if we fall into the same trap again, He
will forgive. Of course, He will continue to work in our lives to
teach us how to overcome sins. Like any parent He expects us to
learn from our mistakes. He wants us to grow up and learn how to
resist temptation.
Forgiving someone is basic to our Christian
faith.
"For if you forgive men for their transgressions,
your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not
forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions."
Matt. 6:14-15
Living out these lessons is often difficult
because the circumstances can get very complicated. But believe me,
God our Father is a good teacher. He is patient, persistent, and
most of all merciful. Forgive your brother or sister and you will
see His love and forgiveness in response. There is no greater joy
and relief for the soul than good old-fashioned forgiveness. |
